Welcome to the labyrinth that is my mind

My head is full.

With all that is going on, i am impressed by the fact that i haven't shut down altogether, emotionally and mentally. It's been crazy these past few weeks. The DTS is going swell, i love the group we've got here. The unfortunate bit is the schedule; it's packed.

Then there's all the relationship drama that's going on among the various couples that are friends of mine, which is something i just don't want to have to deal with.

A friend of mine lost her baby, which is a sort of pain i cannot, and will never, begin to understand. Her name is Jayna, please keep her in your prayers.

Other crises that friends of mine are going through run the gamut from questioning their faith to thinking they will never be good enough for a romantic relationship (gee, that sounds familiar for some reason...).

Please don't read this as me whining about my friends and downplaying their struggles, i'm not. i love these people and i'm an empath. When one part of the body suffers, the whole body suffers.

Now, add to that my personal craziness. The nagging quasi-desire for a girlfriend, the constant worry that i'm going to let someone, anyone, down, the desire to be understood and the hesitancy to let anyone into my heart, blah, blah, blah.

i just read over my post Stale Beer and Cigarettes again, and the apparent paradoxes of my being jumped out at me again. Lately i've been thinking that maybe my weirdness is just a front, an act so that people think i'm unique and "special." That line of thinking worries me. What if it is all just masks and costumes that i've convinced myself are my face and skin?