Someone told me that she will laugh at me when i get into a relationship and do all the things that i've been complaining about regarding how people are in romantic relationships. i still don't know how i feel about that, but it almost borders on being offensive (edit: She read my blog, there was a slight misunderstanding on my part, it's all cleared up now). Then i think back on my last relationship, and how i became one of those couples that i hated so much. Now, i do know that the next time i get into a relationship it won't be such a mess as that one, at least now i have a basic foundation of how relationships should and should not be done. That being said, i still wonder, just how much of that idiocy will i repeat, and how much of that idiocy is unavoidable?
Anyways, i'm sick of being tagged as bitter, of being labeled as a cynic, and i'm sick of those statements being accurate. i don't want to be a cynic anymore, i'm just not sure how to go about changing...
i dunno how i feel about this poem, but whatever, here it is:
this dark shell around my heart is beginning to crack
and from within a weak light is shining through
i pry at the cracks but my fingers slip
my hands are weak and shaky
the task seems insurmountable and my strength ebbs
tears well up in my eyes
i try to hold back
the dam breaks
the cascade flows over the shell of my heart
i just want to let go
i want to rid myself of this suffocating cage
my heart wants to soar
until it finds a place to nest
as my tears baptize my scarred and wounded heart
the dark shell softens
the cracks widen
and healing comes
the fire within the shell, so nearly stifled
is not doused by the flow
but fed
the tears become flame adding to the conflagration within
my bitterness is consumed
but that is not the end
the healing will take time
and effort
but when it is complete my heart will soar and someday find
its resting place
